The Flaming Idiot
by OccasionallyActive
Summary: Another Edcob fic. Doesn't really have a huge plot, although it is a wee-bit longer than the other two...


DISCLAIMER: I'm still not S'meyer! Although I do hope you enjoy the third installment!

* * *

If his heart hadn't ceased beating over fifty years ago, it'd be racing, right now. His cold fingers pressed numbly on the keys as he dialed the number of his now ex-girlfriend.

The phone clicks, and an annoying female voice answers. "Hello? Who is it?" followed by a soft sniffle.

"Hey, Bella; it's Edward."

A long pause before a squeal of delight issues from the receiver so loud and high-pitched it makes him flinch. "EDWARD! Oh my GAWD! I didn't think you'd ever call me again! Did you wanna hang-out today?!"

"Yes, actually, but…I was thinking that maybe we should try and include Jacob. Would that be okay with you?"

"Of course! I'm soooo happy that you're finally trying to get along with him!" The way she spoke made it seem as if the air-head had completely forgotten the scene she'd witnessed not two days before in her own damn kitchen.

Edward almost laughs at her stupidity, but he manages to hold it in. "Yeah, uh…I thought it's about time for us to try and get over the differences our kinds have."

"All right! Did you want me to come get you? Or should I wait for you to pick me up?" her voice was beginning to get on his nerves, so he spoke quickly.

"I'll be there in about ten minutes," he said before snapping his phone shut and shoving it into his pocket.

******************************************************************

By the time he got to her house, he was thoroughly agitated with himself. He could've just gone over to see the dog himself. However, he was too much of a coward. So, as he slunk easily up to her front door and knocked, it was with bitter resentment haunting his thoughts directed, for once, not at Bella but at himself.

Bella pulls open the door quickly, calling out over her shoulder "I'll be back later, dad!"

However, before they can slink safely away, the too-heavily-mustached man sidles over to the door and speaks in a muffled tone. "Well, now, that's fine. But, don't be surprised if I'm not here when you get home. We're starting to film 'STACHE-MAN: Forks' today! The first episode will air this Fall, so don't miss it!"

Bella smiles in an empty-headed way before saying "wouldn't miss it for the world, Charlie!" and fleeing the house by slipping into Edward's car.

******************************************************************

When they reach Jacob's house, Bella races out of the car and runs onto the porch, knocking eagerly on Jacob's door; Edward walks silently up behind her, in his ever stalker-ish way, and simply stands there with his hands in his pockets, looking like he's sulking over something. So, when the door swings open, it's no surprise that Jacob has a look of utmost smugness resting upon his lips.

"Oh, hey, guys; c'mon in," he steps aside, allowing them to walk in. Of course, when Edward slinks past he mutters something highly inappropriate that would've immediately sent the blood rushing to Edward's face if it hadn't abandoned his veins many years before.

"So!" Bella's voice breaks the tense silence in a highly annoying fashion "what should we do?!"

"You," Jacob says, pointing at the door "can go help Billy haul in some stuff for a surprise party we're throwing. It'll be lots of fun, I promise!"

The dense girl claps her hands together excitedly before running off to do as Jacob told her to. And, as soon as she's gone, Edward smirks at the wolf. "I didn't think it'd be that easy to get rid of her."

"Oh, well…I have my ways," Jacob shrugs gently and wastes no time in getting close to the vampire, pushing him down onto the couch. "Now, while she's gone…" he trails off, about to get a start with what was in his mind before Bella pops back in.

"Oh, hey! Billy said he was done, already, and he didn't need my help! So…what should we do?!"

Jacob stiffens, turning around slowly to look at her with a forced smile. "Why don't you go hang-out in the garage? I'm sure there's something in there that'll be really fun to screw with!"

Bella squeals in delight. "You mean I can go in there without you?!"

"Of course you can!" came the now highly agitated reply.

"Awesome!" And, with another squeal of delight, she races out to the backyard.

"C'mere, dog," growls Edward, reaching up and tugging Jacob down on top of himself. He was just about to start a rather nice make-out session with the wolf when, screaming, Bella ran in again.

"Jacob, Jacob! I tripped over something, 'cause I'm clumsy, and I managed to set the entire garage ON FIRE! Oh, GAWD! Did it spread to me, Jacob?!"

"Bella, you moron!" Jacob quickly gets to his feet and runs out of the house to the now flaming garage. He has to gather several people around in order to try and help put it out.

Meanwhile, Edward's sinking slowly back into the couch, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. For some strange reason, he had the feeling that the flaming moron Bella had done this on purpose. And, with a single glance her way, his thoughts were confirmed by her rather smug smile. "Bella, you're an idiot."

* * *

A/N: As always, feel free to flame me! I did not expect the insane amount of PRAISE I'm getting for these. O_O My good God, I had no idea there were this many Bella haters out there!

A/N2: I'd appreciate it if you guys went to my profile and checked out the FanArt my friend did for these three stories! It's fantastic, I promise!


End file.
